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I thought I would share the laughter. This stuff is cute.
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat
was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did
WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and
out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come
forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly
into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus
six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
"What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you
to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching
my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them
to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday
School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father she stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes,
I know, and I'm going to get boobs too."
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2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink
of water?" "No, you had you chance before Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad...." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have
a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have
to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of
water?"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was
about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I
have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I
was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing n her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing
in your butt?"
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to
the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer
and said, ' The sky is falling, the sky is
falling! '"
The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied,
"No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The
little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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